Father's Day - Not Easy for Everyone

Father’s Day is not an easy occasion for everyone, but it’s an important day – a time to honor living fathers and fathers who have passed on.

My wife, Carol, who was born in Oakland, California, remembers seeing her father only twice. Carol’s mother left her marriage and took Carol, who was then one and one-half years old, to her Pennsylvania homeland. Carol was seven or eight and staying one night at her maternal grandparents’ house when a man knocked on their door.

Carol, sitting at a kitchen table when her grandmother opened that door, saw the man in the darkness but didn’t recognize him. Her grandmother stepped outside to talk. When she reentered, she told Carol, “That was your father.”

Carol didn’t see him again until she was a college student in Greenville, S.C. After graduating from high school, she asked her mother to locate her father. Carol mailed one of her graduation pictures to him (he lived in New Jersey), and they arranged to meet in Greenville in the fall. He arrived with his second wife, their five children and a German Shepherd dog. Carol had mixed feelings about their meeting and never communicated again with her father. She keeps a small, framed picture of him sitting on the mantel in our home. The photo – taken before he and Carol’s mother separated – shows her father in his army uniform.

Though our children (two adult daughters) treat me royally on Father’s Day, and Carol enjoys seeing me in good relationship with our offspring, I am aware on each Father’s Day that Carol knows what it’s like “to grow up without a father in the home.”

The Psalmist comforts “the Carols of this world” and all of us with these words: “Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: extol him that rides upon the heavens by his name JAH (the LORD), and rejoice before him. A father of the fatherless, and a judge (a defender) of the widows, is God in his holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families: he brings out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land” (Psalm 68:4-6).

Psalm 27:10 offers these words: “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.”

The writer of Hebrews 13:5 tells us that God has promised, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (KJV). A modern version translates that verse this way: “I will not give you up or desert you.”

No matter how well or how poorly our parents fill or filled their roles, we should honor (respect) our parents because God asks us to do so. Respecting parents is tied closely with respecting God and people placed in authority over us.

Augustine asked, “If anyone fails to honor his parents, is there anyone he will spare?”

The fifth of God’s Ten Commandments contains a promise along with its directive: “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12).

I talked years ago with a teenager whom I’ll call “Dan.” Dan’s parents left him with his maternal grandmother when he was a baby, and she, with small income, was raising him. Dan harbored mixed feelings toward his father, whom he infrequently saw. I pointed out that his father “brought him into the world” and though he might not be a good father, the man Dan knew as his father “was” his father. Dan was an excellent athlete, and I mentioned that he probably inherited his physical coordination from his dad, who participated in sports as a young man. I wanted Dan to find some way – even a small way – to respect his father and avoid self-destructive tendencies spawned from father-child conflict.

Doug, who worked as a personnel director, once told me that his father served as a pastor. One of Doug’s childhood jobs was to polish his dad’s shoes each Saturday night and get them ready for Sunday morning. One week, his dad punished Doug for something Doug had no part in. His dad later realized he’d wrongfully punished Doug, but he said nothing. Saturday night came, and as Doug picked up one of his dad’s shoes, he found an apology note from his dad placed inside that shoe. Doug smiled as he told me that story. I’m sure he would have preferred to hear words from his father’s lips, but the note in the shoe was his father’s “way.”

Father’s Day is not an easy occasion for everyone, but it is an important day.